From the moment on Sunday 25th June 2017, when my beautiful baby boy was born, I instantly felt like a mum. Even though I had been growing this little boy inside my belly for 9 months and had the responsibility to do so, it never really felt real for me until I felt his skin on mines. Everyone always says you never know real love until you have a child and the moment I set my eyes on my baby boy I couldn’t contain my emotions. With tears streaming down my face, I realised that my life has changed forever.
From this initial excitement of being a new mum, I started to panic when my partner and mum left to go home from the hospital, leaving me alone to look after a sick baby all by myself when I still couldn’t walk because of my epidural and still drowsy from my medications. I didn’t fully trust myself and I was expected to look after a newborn baby. I felt horrible. I couldn’t even go to the toilet! I ended up not sleeping and just held my baby in my arms incase he choked in his sleep because of the mucus stuck in his throat. (Photo: My first all nighter with my baba)
Despite this initial hiccup I started to gain more confidence in myself and my mama abilities when I got out of the hospital and was in my own environment.
Being a new mum is tiring a lot of the time. With babies needing constant attention, I started to realise how much sleep I took for granted before I got pregnant with all the nights out I went out on and the late nights I stayed up watching rubbish on tv. I’m just so lucky to have a baby that can entertain himself whilst I eat my lunch and shower but not all babies give their mums that luxury. The night feeds were hard to adjust to at the beginning especially with Conor needing fed every 2ish hours. So one tip for any new/to be mums is that if there is any support, take it. I was reluctant at first to let anyone help as I was so anxious to leave him and be myself for a while. I felt guilty -still do to some extent- to leave him when he’s my little baby ☹️.
When becoming a new mum you’ll realise how messy babies actually are. You’ll find yourself covered in literally everything. Sick, pee, poo and maybe all at once (and yes this has happened to me plenty of times haha). Constant nappy changes mean you’ll soon be able to do it blindfolded. Babies don’t care about the time so yes they’ll have poop explosions through the day but also during the night like Conor has a few times haha. There have been too many times I’ve had to bath Conor in the wee hours of the morning because he’s decided to poo, pee and spew all over himself and laughs about it. (Photos taken at 4am)
Being a new mum is scary. Not only do you have yourself to look after, you also have a small, growing baby to be responsible for. They count on you for everything and will need you forever! The first couple of weeks of Conor being here, I couldn’t even sleep I just sat listening to him breathing in his Moses basket making sure he was fine. Especially now with his mucus being bad I’m always on edge incase he chokes. Last night I was changing him and he starts choking and it’s funny how your mum instincts kicked in because before I even processed what was happening he was over my lap and the mucus was out of his throat. Honestly, it won’t get any easier. Everyone tells me you won’t stop worrying now, that’s what being a mum is like.